he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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