I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
