if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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