I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
