by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
