he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
