and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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