The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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