Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
