Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
