just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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