I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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