You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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