It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
