woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
