I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
