Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
