Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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