I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
