Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
