Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
