I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
