Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
