Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
