ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
