why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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