that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
