Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The Olympian is in my bed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
