Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
