everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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