I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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