I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
