WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
