You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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