dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
