i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
