what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
