We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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