My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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