I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
