Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
