Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
