im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
