whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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