If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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