goodnight i made you a song goodbye
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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