It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
