$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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