Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
