every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
