Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
