Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
