that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
