dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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