ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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