did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
