I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
