im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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