Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
