I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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